What's all this?
I'm just trying to make sense of what's happening to me.
Way I figure, I'm in a coma somewhere.
Or on a very intense drug trip.
Maybe I've traveled through time,
or perhaps I've crash-landed on an alien planet,
and as we speak, extraterrestrials are trying to harvest my intellect.
I mean, such as it is.
Maybe I'm the victim of a mind experiment,
or maybe I've died and gone to Heaven, or Hell.
How about Purgatory? Or maybe
I've plain gone insane.
'Cause I don't know what's real anymore.
-What's this supposed to mean? -That represents the unknown.
All things I haven't thought of yet.
It's the one out of all these that scares me the most.
-Hey. -This is for your own good.
If the lieutenant sees this, you'll wish you could go back in time.
I can't see her face.
Maya, my girlfriend in 2008.
I spent all last night trying to picture her smile.
I couldn't do it, no matter how hard I tried.
So, maybe if I can figure all this out...
Sam, no more of this crazy talk. I'm trying to be a friend to you, but...
Okay, fair enough.
What I'm doing in 1 973 and how to get back,
I'll figure it out on my own.
But until then, I guess I'm left with only one option.
And what's that, Sam?
T o spend my time here doing what it is I do best.
Which is?
Catching bad guys.
(ALL THE WA Y TO MEMPHIS PLAYlNG)
Forgot my six-string razor Hit the sky
Half way to Memphis 'fore I realized
(GROANS)
What's the big hurry, T rent?
We just want to talk to you about an armed robbery.
You run like that, we'll begin to think you're guilty of something, huh?
-Oops! -Please! Help me!
-What did you do that for? -For making me run.
-It's all right. He's dressed for a dip. -I can't swim!
-lsn't this a predicament? -Not really. Scum bums float.
Please! Help!
All right. Oh, come on. You can't be serious.
Who are you working the check-cashing robberies with, Trent?
I don't know anything!
You could tell it to us,
or you could tell it to the little fishies at the bottom of the lake.
Bye-bye.
I don't think he's gonna come up, guys.
Can't let him drown.
-All right. Get him out, Chris. -Oh, I can't swim.
-GENE: Ray? -I took some lessons when I was a kid.
They didn't stick.
Unbelievable. Chris?
(CLAPPlNG)
Hooray!
(PANTlNG)
(WHEEZlNG)
All right, just breathe. You'll be fine. Just breathe!
What's the hurry, Mark Spitz? Hey, get this guy out of here.
Get up!
I miss you, Maya.
You okay, Sam?
He looks like one of them cartoon characters
got hit over the head with a frying pan. Don't he, Lieut?
Yeah, he does! Like in the funny papers.
(ALL LAUGHlNG)
Yeah, like in the funny papers.
(ALL LAUGHlNG)
My name is Sam Tyler.
I was in an accident and I woke up in 1 973.
I don't know how or why I'm here,
but whatever has happened, it's like I've landed on a different planet.
Now, maybe if I can work out the reason, I can get home.
SAM : Last week, th ree AAA Money check-cashing stores were robbed.
-Little over $ 1 2,000 taken. -TRENT: A tasty haul.
And best of luck to them, whoever they are.
Three bodies were found, one at each store.
-Penny Driscoll. -Hey, looks like she was cute,
before she put on the dead chick mask.
Alonzo de Souza and Dennis Maguire.
All shot, and that's no small thing,
considering they were tucked snug behind bulletproof glass
with no witnesses, no sign of forced entry.
Yeah, that's... That's very cool.
Hey, listen, any chance I'm gonna get sprung anytime soon?
You know, Laugh-In is on tonight, and I got it bad for that Goldie Hawn.
We know you're involved, Trent.
No one loves hitting check-cashing stores
Iike you and your monkey squad.
-So who were you meeting at the pool? -I was meeting my Aunt Doris.
You know, you're just her type. No, seriously.
I should give her your number. You could be my Uncle Gene.
Uncle Gene. Hey, that'd be perfect. Why don't we practice?
(EXCLAlMlNG lN PAlN)
Say it, you filthy scrote. You want me to stop? Say it.
-TRENT: Uncle! Uncle! Uncle! Uncle. -Not bad.
What is someone who can't swim doing at Lasker Pool, Trent?
Well, it's never too late to start.
Learning the backstroke ain't a crime, is it?
We found this on you when we pulled you in.
Could this be your cut of the AAA Money jobs?
Or you just need a little padding in your swim trunks?
Yeah, that ain't my scratch.
If it was, wouldn't it be wet?
You were saying?
What is it, June?
Assistant District Attorney Crocker is here.
Fine. Throw this pile of pus back in the cage.
Oh, no. Come on, man. That cell smells like vomit.
I can help you with that.
What was that?
That money isn't from the check-cashing robberies.
Yeah, and Roe v. Wade ain't really two options
when you find yourself in a river.
-What does that even mean? -That's an analogy.
-No, I don't think it is. -It's like an analogy.
Where I come from, what you did is called
tampering with physical evidence, and it's a Class E felony.
Where you come from. Where is that, Hyde?
(SINGING) Where guns are made of gingerbread
and criminals confess for lollipops
Do you have any evidence linking T rent to the robberies?
Well, well, well. Aren't you the eager beaver?
-Now that was an analogy. -No, that was just obnoxious.
What's a guy got to do to get an analogy?
If we had the evidence, we'd be able to charge him by now, right?
That's a lot of questions for a secretary.
There he is,
the golden retriever of the District Attorney's office.
Thank you, No-Nuts.
Lee, this is the transfer from Hyde I told you about, Sam Tyler.
Sam, this is Lee Crocker.
Not only does he know where all the bodies are buried,
he knows the shovel sizes.
Welcome aboard, Tyler.
Like two peas in a pansy pod.
Detective, if ignorance was a drug, you'd be high all the time.
Now that was an analogy.
I took a look at the file, Gene.
The FCC has a better case
against George Carlin and his seven dirty words
than you have against Kim Trent.
I agree.
We have no evidence to secure a conviction.
Give us a second, Lee. Detective Tyler and I need a moment.
Of course.
You want evidence?
-Aladdin's cave. -What the hell is that?
There's 300 microdots of LSD here.
We plant them on Kim Trent
and watch him grow into a big flower of justice.
That's just great.
I detect sarcasm.
How would you do it where you come from?
We wouldn't have pulled him in without evidence.
Even if you knew there were people out there in real danger?
People are always in danger.
One minute, you're going about your business.
The next, bang, you're taken out by a speeding car.
Well, I'm taking a speeding car off the road.
So what do you want to do?
We give him a desk appearance ticket.
We cut him loose, but we stay on him. We follow him, see where he takes us.
Get some real evidence so we can put him away for good.
-That's your big plan? -Yeah, that's my big plan.
Fine. Cut him loose.
But whatever happens next is on your head.
SAM: You and Ray stay on Trent.
Anywhere he goes, you guys go. Got it?
-Sure thing. -We'll relieve you in the morning.
Okay. I don't know if Ray's gonna go for that plan.
-Why not? -He doesn't really...
-He doesn't like me. -No.
-No, I know. -No.
The Lieut put him in for a promotion to second grade,
and then you show up.
He... He just feels like you took his spot.
But I wouldn't take it personal.
Yeah, well, I didn't request this transfer. It just happened.
It's like Guantanamo Bay in here.
I wouldn't know. I've never been to Puerto Rico.
Kim Trent, here is a DAT. You are free to go.
You got to respect those who defend the Constitution.
-All hail the Nixon administration. -Don't get too attached.
(MECHANlCAL WHlRRlNG)
-JUNE: Are you okay, sir? -Did you just see that?
Was it a rat? The rats are big in this house, sir,
but they're harmless, mostly.
I cleaned out that cell. It smelled of vomit.
He was right. It did stink to high heaven.
Well, I'm sure the next prisoner will appreciate your efforts.
It's all love and light here at the 1 -2-5.
MAN ON RADIO : Other music news, in honor of Mother's Day,
Elvis Presley will be performing a special concert in Lake Tahoe
at Tahoe Sahara
in memory of his mother, Gladys Presley.
(AD VER TISEMEN T PLA YIN G ON RADIO)
-Whoa! -You must be 2B. I' m Windy.
Windy. Now that's an unusual name.
My father named me Windy
because he was a sailor and wind was his gold.
I'm Sam. What?
Hey, wow! Your fate line, it's bisected!
-ls that a good thing? -lt can be. It's like a record skipping.
You're listening to one song, the needle gets bumped
and you're grooving to a whole new tune. What's up there?
Well, for starters, no naked women.
-Are you new to New York? -You could say that.
It's an adjustment.
I get homesick all the time for Decorah, lowa.
-Lot of people, a lot of love back there. -I know the feeling.
I used to spend hours
just floating in an inner tube, looking up at the clouds.
You and me, we stay in one place, but the clouds go everywhere.
So sometimes I'd ask them
to carry a message back to Decorah for me.
I imagine there's someone floating in a lake,
Iooking up at the same cloud, sending me their love, too.
Hey, do you like to dance? Because I love to dance.
-Not really. -Oh, great.
-Well, then we'll have to dance. -Okay.
I'll see you around, 2B.
SAM: 2-4-6 to Central K, we are approaching Trent's apartment.
GENE: Where are Chris and Ray?
-2-4-6 to Central K. -DISPA TCHER: Proceed, 2-4-6.
We're outside Kim Trent's apartment.
Detectives Carling and Skelton are not here.
Please raise car 1 -3-5 and advise of their location, K.
1 0-4, 2-4-6.
So is this how you do things in Hyde?
You sit on your ass
and watch known criminals pick their noses.
Actually, in Hyde, we sit on our noses
and watch known criminals pick their asses.
DISPA TCHER: All units, we have a report of a 1 0-22 disturbance
-at AAA Check Cashing. -Let's go.
-Still think it's T rent? -Actually...
Hey, police!
T ake cover!
Enough.
-I hit him. -Good.
-You okay? -Yeah, I think so.
June?
MEDlC 1 : BP is stabilizing, 90 over 60.
SAM: She's gonna be okay.
MEDlC 2: Pulse is normal.
MEDlC 1 : All right. The bleeding's stopped. Excuse me.
MEDlC 2: All right, let's get her. Ready?
-She's gonna be okay. -MEDlC 1 : You got the door?
MEDlC 2: Yeah, come on. Let's go. Lock it down.
-All right. -All right, go ahead.
GENE: Where were you guys?
Lieut, we got a radio message to call into Command.
Now, I figured it was you
shutting down Tyler's brilliant surveillance scheme.
T ook us three blocks south to find a pay phone.
Found this radio in June's car.
She must've heard the call go out, and wanted to be Batgirl or something.
Junie always had dreams of doing something important
at the department.
I told her, "You're a twirl, know your place." So she didn't.
All right, I'm gonna canvass the block, get some statements.
Somebody must've had eyeballs on this.
This doesn't make any sense.
Trent took a huge risk. He knew we'd be onto him.
There has to be a reason.
I want this mess cleaned up.
And I want you to clear this away.
I don't want any of her left lying on the street.
This is an active crime scene, it still needs to be processed.
Clean it up! I want you to clean it up now!
She works at the precinct. She is family.
And I want to be able to look her dead in the eye
and say you cleaned up every drop of her precious blood.
Get off me! You can't blame me, you lunatic!
This is Trent's fault! He pulled the trigger!
You made sure there was a trigger to pull!
-We had no evidence! -T ell that to June!
I give up. I give up!
I'm sick of this cosmic joke
that everyone seems to be in on but me! I'm sick of it.
Real.
Unreal.
Real.
Unreal.
(EXCLAlMS)
MRS. SALVAGGlO: You know, this neighborhood has gone to the dogs.
Right. That's an unusual ashtray.
Yeah. My granddaughter Sofia made it for me.
She loves to come over and see all the butts in there.
She says, "Nana uses it."
Beautiful story. Should write a letter to the Surgeon General.
You know, if I squint,
there's a little bit of that Steve McQueen.
(LAUGHlNG)
Look, you have an unobstructed view of AAA Money from here,
and judging from how much you love your grandchild and your cigarettes,
I'm guessing you spend a lot of time looking out that window.
Sure, I saw what happened. But aside from the shooting,
there was nothing different from any Tuesday or Thursday.
You guys showed up escorting the man who got shot.
-Us guys? -Yeah, the police.
-Policemen? In uniform? -Policemen in uniform.
(LAUGHlNG)
You screwed up, you guys. Real big-time, huh, Stevie?
I guess we did.
(LAUGHlNG)
"Astronauts in orbit to repair ailing Skylab."
And those hippies think they know how to get high, Junie.
Let's see what kind of trouble Dagwood's getting into today.
Been looking for you, boss. How's she doing?
Same.
(GET DOWN PLAYlNG)
-That felt good. -Yeah?
Then you're gonna love this.
Told you once before And I won't tell you no more
Get down, get down, get down
You're a bad dog, baby But I still want you around
(SCREAMlNG)
(CRASHlNG)
You give me the creeps When you jump on your feet
(SCREAMlNG)
I always liked June.
T ruth be told, she'd probably make a good cop.
I only know one way to police.
So do l.
I'm not squeaky-clean, and neither is this city.
I love this city.
It needs whoever it can get to look after it. That's me.
You're gonna make this right.
Well, I found a witness
who saw two uniforms escort Trent into the store.
-That's how they gained access. -Watch what you're saying, Tyler.
How can you, the keeper of Aladdin's cave,
question the existence of dirty cops
just because, you know, you don't like it?
I'm not turning the spotlight on my own department.
No, you're just gonna coerce testimony
and set up suspects just to close the case.
You got something on your mouth there.
Let me... Let me see.
-What are you doing? Stop that! -Get off me!
Don't do... Don't do that.
(GROANlNG)
-Hey! -Police.
But I still want you around
Around, around I still want you around
RAY: Spaceman!
Heard the boss gave you a ride to pummel city.
I need to talk with you, Ray, about your moonlighting.
T alk to me.
Ain't like I'm the only one moonlighting at the 1 -2-5.
Your name turned up on a list of cops who work security for AAA Money.
Yeah.
I make $300 and change a week as a third-grade detective.
That's barely enough to afford the clams oreganata
every Friday night at Guido's.
So I work a little security when my money clip runs a little light.
What's the calamity?
Well, Trent was working with cops. Cops were moonlighting as security.
You have firsthand knowledge.
You took a powder on the stakeout, Ray?
So I'm coming to you.
You coming to me 'cause you think I might be complicit?
It's the first I'm hearing about cops being involved.
Well, Hunt isn't with me on this, but I got an eyewitness that says so.
-You should talk to Crocker. -The ADA?
If Hunt's stonewalling, you're gonna need a friend on the outside.
Why are you doing this for me, going around Hunt?
Hunt was my hook to second grade.
For three years, I carried his water.
Lot of good that did me when you showed up.
Crocker's a little too bucking-for-sainthood for my liking,
but he's a straight shooter.
He'll know what to do. Give him a try.
And you think cops from the 1 -2-5 are involved?
Well, I don't know.
Hunt's made it hard to get any traction, so that's why I'm talking to you.
I'll have one of my investigators look into it.
Should take some of the pressure off.
I appreciate the help, not to mention your discretion.
Of course. Heck of a way to introduce yourself to a new house.
You don't know the half of it.
(LIFE ON MARS? PLAYlNG)
(MECHANlCAL WHlRRlNG)
To the girl with the mousy hair
But her mummy is yelling "No"
And her daddy has told her to go
But her friend is nowhere to be seen
Now she walks through her sunken dream
Maya?
To the seat with the clearest view
Maya?
Maya? You i n here?
Boo!
(MAY A LAUGHlNG)
I' ll remember that next time you want me to work a uniform detail for you.
Who says "boo" in this day and age?
You're like a cartoon character from the funny papers.
Who says "funny papers" in this day and age?
Like in the funny papers.
Let's light some candles, run a bath.
I miss you, Maya.
MAYA: No lnternet, no DVD, no video games.
SAM: But I don't want to live in a world without video games.
You're kind of killing the mood.
(KNOCKlNG AT DOOR)
-Hey, 2B! -Hey.
I whipped up a tray
of "welcome to the second floor" lasagna for you.
Well, that's very nice of you.
What's nice is, I'm about to introduce you
to the most luxurious lasagna you've ever tasted.
Not to toot my own horn, it's my mom's recipe,
but it's guaranteed to cure what ails you.
That jerk you brought home last night stole your watch?
Just have a slice of Mom's lasagna.
The war in Vietnam got you down? Just taste that smooth ricotta cheese.
How you doing today?
Like some Mom's lasagna will hit the spot.
Hooray. It's a garden mix.
There's fresh tomatoes, zucchini, carrots, peas, plenty of herbs,
and I add a healthy sprinkling of Mary Jane's magic earth.
-"Mary Jane's magic earth"? -No recipe is complete without it.
-There's marijuana in here? -It's mellow.
Nothing like the Blue de hue I had at my friend Randy's pig roast.
You know I'm a cop.
Then you must get the really good stuff.
There's something I've been meaning to ask.
What you said the other day about sending messages
back to loved ones through the clouds?
Yeah.
Well, do the clouds ever respond?
Nope.
It's just a one-way thing. I never hear from the clouds.
But the stars, they won't shut up.
My mom, my dad, my brother Gregory, my best friend Lolly,
they all send their love to me through the stars.
Because the stars speak for the lonely blue hearts,
and lonely blue hearts tell the truth.
I've got to run. Enjoy the las.
And don't forget, we've still got to dance.
As they say in New Orleans,
bayou.
(DOOR CLOSlNG)
There he is, fellas.
MAN 1 : Great.
There he is.
We should string him up from the rafters
by his sneaky little rat tail.
-What's going on? -"What's going on?"
Look at him play possum now.
Rats, possums? What did I tell you about analogies, Ray?
The Lieut just got off the phone with Crocker.
(DOOR OPENlNG)
MAN 2: Oh, yeah.
Wow.
MAN 3: Nice work, Tyler. MAN 2: Yeah. Way to go, buddy.
MAN 3: Unbelievable, huh?
Did you really think it wouldn't get back to me?
MAN 2: Good luck. MAN 1 : Yeah, tell me about it.
MAN 1 : Listen, Bob, did you get my e-mail
about the forensics report for DNA?
MAN 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's right here.
Real.
Unreal.
Real.
MAN 1 : Print it out, would you?
Unreal.
Sam, June's awake. Are you okay?
-They're not real. -What are you talking about?
The reason why I can't track down the cops working with Trent
isn't because Hunt's been stonewalling.
-It's because they don't exist. -Sam, you're not making any sense.
The cops from the check-cashing robberies, they're impersonators.
Impersonators?
They're not real cops.
So the sawbone says
you're gonna be right as rain in no time. Okay?
Yeah. I'm still not clear what happened.
What happened was I took care of the guy that did this to you.
Shot him dead.
-Who? -Kim Trent.
-Did you know Kim Trent? -No.
But you cleaned his cell of vomit. Remember?
What were you doing outside AAA Money, June?
-What's wrong with you? -June seems emotional.
Of course she's emotional. She was shot.
That's not the kind of emotional
-I'm talking about. -Hey, hey!
(SNlFFLlNG)
Look at her.
Kim's dead?
Yeah, he died on the scene from a gunshot wound to the chest.
That's why you were there with the police radio.
You weren't responding to the call
'cause you were already there as the lookout and the getaway driver.
No. I just got the radio.
-For Kim? -Yes. I mean, no.
Kim loves me.
It took a while, but we found each other.
We hadn't seen each other since high school in Yonkers,
and then there he was, outside of the precinct.
And he looked me up. That's the kind of guy he was.
And you fed him information. Kim's gone, June.
It's time to start worrying about yourself.
I told Kim things, who was working where and when.
Eventually I was able to pinch some uniforms
and some dupe shields.
No one noticed. No one ever noticed. Nobody noticed me except Kim.
And the radio message that called off Chris and Ray, that was you?
Yes.
I thought you always wanted to join me on the Bureau.
And be like you? T aking the same crap, day after day?
You're fooling yourself
if you ever think they'll accept you as one of them.
Junie, you know who was fooling themselves?
(JUNE SNlFFLlNG)
This...
Listen to me.
I know what it feels like to be alone.
It's like someone's stolen away
the one thing in the world you cared most about.
(SOBBlNG)
Well, it happened to me, too.
The universe knocked me sideways,
and took away everything and everyone I ever cared about.
You and me,
we have the same lonely blue heart, June.
Yeah. I guess I do have a lonely blue heart.
Yeah.
Kim told me things.
He was working with two guys,
Dax Benson and Freddy Gerard.
Okay. Do you know where we can find them?
I promised Kim I wouldn't say anything.
June. June, I'm sorry, but it wasn't real.
What you think you had with Trent was not real.
You're protecting the same man who put you in this hospital bed.
He's killed four innocent people. Do you understand?
It's time to tell us everything.
'Cause lonely blue hearts tell the truth.
-Get down! -Police! Don't move!
You are surrounded by armed bastards.
RAY: Down, down.
On the deck.
(ALL THE WA Y TO MEMPHIS PLAYlNG)
(TlRES SCREECHlNG)
Dax Benson! Hold it right there.
Put your feet on the ground. Put your hands on your head.
You are under arrest.
-Just in time, boys. -Drop it.
No, no, no, no!
I'm on the job! I'm a cop! He's not!
I'm real, he's not! Get off me!
Real cops don't run away.
Lieutenant Gene Hunt, 1 -2-5.
Kindly get off of my man.
COP 1 : Shut up.
-COP 2: Come on. Let's go. -Come on. Move.
This is why Trent's crew hit so many check cashing stores so quick.
They needed cash 'cause there was a shipment on the way.
COP 3: You, too, let's go.
COP 4: You got no rights. Get in there.
-RAY: Heroin. -Yahtzee!
RAY: And lots of it.
COP 3: Move over. Come on.
All right, step up.
(RESPIRA TOR WHIRRING)
You did good, Tyler.
But next time you start having words with an ADA,
you make damn sure I know ahead of time.
See you tomorrow, boss.
We'll be out of here in five.
Once again, you walk into the space I was headed for.
You and I are not gonna get along, are we?
Nope.
Eventually, I will burn you down
and I will bag your ashes and I will bury your ashes in the yard
where my big dog craps big crap.
-Anyway, wow. -I asked you for help.
-You made me out to be a rat. -lt wasn't like that.
Gene has a way of doing things. I have a way of dealing with him.
It's nothing personal.
Sam, he's right. It's complicated dealing with Hunt.
You of all people should know that.
What's that?
Well, Lee got us tickets to see Grease.
You know, it's been playing for a year, and I've been dying to see it, so...
"Summer loving had me a blast"
I got a dinner to get to. See you later, Annie.
Sam.
-You okay, Sam? -Yeah. Fine.
Sam?
You're a good cop, Sam.
There's less heroin on the street 'cause you're in the 1 -2-5.
And that is very real.
-Good night, Annie. -Good night, Sam.
MA YA: I miss you, too, baby.
I miss you, too,
from the bottom of my lonely blue heart.
(I AM A ROCK PLAYlNG)
Time to dance, 2B.
In a deep and dark December
I am alone
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow
I am a rock I am an island
I have no need of friendship Friendship causes pain
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain
I am a rock I am an island
And a rock feels no pain
And an island never cries